It is time for New Year’s resolutions. Our annual aspirations tend to repeat, year after year. Lose weight. Save money. Exercise more. Yet, our good intentions wither in a few weeks and we find ourselves still fat, poor and lazy. I limit myself to these garden-related goals.

1. Take a shopping list to the garden center or nursery and purchase only what is on that list. This prevents acquisitions based on plant lust rather than need. Guidelines like “heat-tolerant evergreen conifer that gets 10 to 15 feet tall” are easier to work with than “Emerald Giant Arborvitae.” 

2. All plants must go in the ground within 48 hours of purchase. This keeps me from stockpiling flora that may die of neglect before I get around to planting them.

3. No more hanging baskets.  In my hot climate, they require regular attention to thrive or even to survive. I hate to water. I have the sad physical evidence to support that statement.

4. Once a tree/shrub/perennial has died three times under my care, it is time to admit defeat and move along. Read on for a personal illustration.

Multiple times, I have purchased a Monkey Puzzle tree (Araucaria araucana) and each time it died. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you already know that I love plants with thorns or sharp leaves. It was love at first sight when I encountered Monkey Puzzle. The limbs and trunk are covered in triangular leaves that are as sharp as razor blades. The first of those ill-fated trees consumed my entire annual plant purchase budget. My long-suffering husband bled after he wrestled the eight-foot Weapon-Of-Mass-Destruction into a perfect planting hole. I applied tender, loving care but the wretch died within six months. I refused to say goodbye to my investment, and I applied green spray paint (Krylon rattle cans) to the dead tree several times. The husband finally put a stop to this and used our tractor’s front-end loader to haul the bright green carcass away. When I returned to the nursery which I purchased the tree, they told me that (1) the other four specimens they sold had also been reported dead by their purchasers and (2) “No guarantees. Sorry.” (That garden center is now out of business.)
I may be stubborn but I am not stupid, so the next two Monkey Puzzle trees were smaller and cheaper. The first died within a year. The final attempt was planted into a large container filled with a combination of PermaTill and quality potting soil. It survived three years, dying one limb at a time while inexplicably sprouting new growth. Finally, it succumbed. No more chances, Monkey Puzzle. No more.

Happy New Year to you and yours. May all your 2020 gardening endeavors be successful.